Benton Fraser = oh dear [in almost any given, unpleasant, situation] / it was an otter, I was 10, it was dead, somebody hit me with it. can we move on? [about an old scar] / in Canada we have more than a passing familiarity with confusion. we're comprised of 10 provinces and 2 territories [now 3] communicating across 6 time zones in 2 official languages. the English don't understand the French, the French don't understand the English, and the Inuit quite frankly couldn't give a damn about either of them. added to the equation is the Assembly of First Nations with a total of 633 seperate Indian bands, speaking 180 sub-dialects among their 50 linguistic groups; and as if that weren't enough, there are some fishermen on the east coast with a remarkably whimsical accent / there is nothing more frustrating than playing hide and seek with a deaf wolf

 

Ray Vecchio = I'm stuck in a dark closet with a Mountie and a deaf wolf who keeps licking me . . . that was the wolf, wasn't it? / officer in pursuit of black cadillac in pursuit of two guys on ice skates. why is that so hard to believe? / I'm in a canoe with 2 wounded Mounties and I'm being humiliated by rats. / oh come on Fraser, don't give me that big-eyed Mountie look . . . / you know how it is with Mounties. any excuse to burst into song / you know, we just took out seven guys? one more and you qualify for American citizenship

Ray Kowalski = pitter patter, let's get at 'er

Bob Fraser = when I first joined the mounted police, all the equipement we ever got was a paper bag and a pointed stick. Now, we used the bag to boil tea, and the stick was for hunting game. and if you lost either of them, they charged you for it!

Mrs. Gamez = I want to give him a big hug . . . but I am afraid I will wrinkle him

Paul Gross [on playing Hamlet at the Stratford Festival] = at first I thought he said 'omlette' and I was hungry at the time, so I said 'yes' / alas poor Yorick . . . I knew him Ray {licks skull} my God! Ray, the taste of bitter almonds! Yorick was *poisoned*! we must hie to the castle and determine who had motive!

Ray Vecchio and Benton Fraser = [R] she kissed me. [F] after she hit you? / [F] . . . bindlestitch [R] you know, you have got to stop swearing in eskimo / [F] Ray, duck! {Ray throws himself to the ground} homus platoritus. very unusual sighting for this time of year {Ray gets up, muttering to himself} [R] duck . . . duck . . . duck means DUCK, duck doesn't mean DUCK . . . / [R] I guess you're wondering why I'm in your uniform [F] I just assumed it was something personal / [R] what is going on back there?! [F]{breathless} well, let me tell you something Ray; I think that the person who invented panty hose should be brought up on charges of cruelty, sadism, and reckless endangerment. they pinch in the most inappropriate places! [R] yeah, well, most people who wear 'em don't have those places Benny / [F] the tried to cut off my boots [R] {shocked} no [F] right up the side. I wouldn't let them [R] well I don't blame you. lose a leg, sure, but a good pair of boots isn't easy to replace! / [F] you're not going to shoot either [bad guy] cause I'm not a killer? [F] no, I think you are an evil psychopath. but if you do try, Detective Vecchio will blow your brains off {click of gun being cocked, guy turns to see Ray there, gun leveled} [R] 'out'. [F] out. I'm sorry, I stand corrected. he will blow your brains out. / [R] you know what really annoys me? why am I covered in crud and you look like you just got back from a hand-laundry? [F] I don't know. I've always been this way

Fraser and Turnbull = [F] there is someone in my office. I can't tell you who [T] ah, I understand [F] now, don't let anyone go in or out of that door [T] including myself? [F] especially not yourself [T] not in or out [F] that is correct [T] but I'm already out sir [F] . . . yes [T] so, if I should find myself inside, then I should just stay there . . .

Fraser and Buck Frobisher = [F] you ran away but you brought your dress uniform with you? [B] no, I rented it. if we don't catch him by tuesday I have to pay extra

Frazer and Lieutenant Walsh = [F] he claims to have had an altercation . . . with a floor [W] any particular type of floor? [F] interlocking linoleum, I believe [W] oh yeah, yeah, they can be very tricky